Airfix versus Warhammer

Assault on Black Reach - apparently

In the morning I am taking Boy the Elder into Leicester to spend his birthday money.  The only thing which was on his list was a Warhammer series 40,000 Assault on Black Reach gaming set. If you understand what that means you are either likely to be a 13-25 year old male or a nauseating parent who is really sucking up to her children.  You know who you are, Sister the First.

BTE has been an avid Airfix fan for ages and has got some beautiful models of WW2 planes, tanks and ickle tiny soldiers.  He’d started to get really good at the building and painting and I understood it; it was real things painted to look like real things that did stuff that actually happened.  The Aged Parent bought him membership of The Airfix Club for his birthday and he gets enamel badges and everything.

Supermarine Spitfire - obviously

Then suddenly Warhammer came on the scene and there are dozens of little grey plastic mutant figures littering the house and desperate, plaintive pleas for Ork Stompas echo around the rooms, and I just don’t ‘get it’. But then I’m not really supposed to, am I?

Thus, tomorrow morning, we are venturing into Leicester to find a shop called ‘Tabletop Tyrants’ where, being a Saturday morning, it will be awash with hundreds of teenage boys, who are strangers to soap and don’t have a girlfriend or a clean pair of underpants between them.  BTE will hand over his shining debit card (the glancing light blinding the shuffling youths) in exchange for box loads of plastic mutants with machetes and assorted weaponry plus the associated paints, brushes and glue.

I begged him to shower tonight or wash his hair, as a gesture that he has a shred of individuality, but to no avail.  He did paint his nails purple though, which I suppose is a start.  I will hide his trainers and leave his Chelsea boots where he will trip over them but I fear that the use of a toothbrush will be a step too far.

Lancaster Bomber

Ork Stompa

Airfix seems wholesome, Wargaming does not.  Still, at least he’s balanced – an Ork Stomper on one shelf and a De Havilland Mosquito on the other.  Boy the Younger will, of course, insist on combining the two and will strafe and dive bomb the mutants with neatly painted Spitfires and Lancaster Bombers.  Boy the Elder will flip his lid and a horrible fight will break out on the dining room table between a lanky evil-smelling geek and a  malevolent, grudge-bearing 8-year old.

Now THAT I get.

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19 Comments

Filed under Children, Collecting, Indoor Activities

19 responses to “Airfix versus Warhammer

  1. What if you know what that means cause your husband is a big N-E-R-D?
    So funny to see this right now. This is all my husband and 10 year old are talking about this week.

    • wartimehousewife

      Welcome Christin. What a coincidence. I’m sure your husband has clean pants and clearly has a wife, so I take it all back! Hope we hear from you again.

  2. Marvellous. We need a full report tonight from The Bunker, where, no doubt, you will be hiding.

  3. Sue

    I love your captions to the pictures. My 16 year old loves Warhammer but only the making and painting aspects at which he has become very skilled. He has become bored with actually playing the game and I’m glad to say he has never been afraid of soap and haircuts. He also likes Airfix and has just finished another WWII model the name of which I have temporarily forgotten but it is something I have heard of. Can’t say the same for any of the Warhammer.

  4. Morag

    Ah yes. War hammer (pesky iPad and its Nazi autocorrection) 40,000. Know all about that. Little, expensive bits of plastic all over the house. Every time we go to the games shop in town (yep, the last stronghold of greasy, lanky hair!), the “lovely” manager gently tries to encourage my boys to spend more. My 10 year old wanted to buy something that cost – shock, horror! – £40. The manager suggested he go for a larger box which cost £100 and contained the items plus lots more. When I looked horrified, he told me it was “still cheaper than a night at the pub.” I frostily pointed out that my 10 year old does not tend to get served in pubs, and anyway, it was his own Christmas and birthday money, and £40 was all he had

  5. Morag

    Oh, and yes, the shop is always full of dads pretending to buy for their kids, but you just know it’s for them really!

  6. alltime fishwife

    I too am soon to become a Warhammer collector- inasmuch as it will be me that picks it up and threatens to throw it out on a regular basis, added to my already long list of things to be cross with. I am afraid I blame BTE( the only collector he knows), as my son says that none of his friends at school are ever to know that he is a Warhammer fan , as he will not live to see his 14th birthday, or even the end of the week. I said ” but what are they into?” and apparently it is something called cod or maybe COD or even C.O.D. and has war in it I believe, but is Completely Different. I am confused, and don’t know what kind of son I have now. I guess Warhammer must be nerdsville, but I know he does wash and may well have a girlfriend, so he is a mixed metaphor or somesuch. Anyway it looks complete nonsense to me, and I don’t think it will last long with boys as intelligent and original as BTE and child C, who are surely both writing a symphony or an anthology of sonnets under the bedclothes………………..

    • Sue

      That’s exactly why my younger son discarded Warhammer. No-one at school was ever to know about it. Uncool. Elder son doesn’t care so much.

      • wartimehousewife

        I’m sorry, Fishwife, but it could be worse. At least it’s not hamster porn or smug druggling – although I must say the glue’s a bit pungent.

    • Sister the First

      Just to reinforce my nauseating ability to be down wiv da kids, COD stands for Call of Duty and is one of the banes of this family’s life! It involves violence, zombies, an encyclopaedic knowledge of the global arsenal of weaponry, ravaging dogs – but don’t worry….in the options menu, you can turn off the blood – just in case your little darling might be turned into something anti-social ! Why, you may well ask, did we let them have the vile game in the first place……? The answer is that we didn’t – they bought it themselves with birthday/Christmas money. On the plus side, there is a certain amount of strategy involved and, apart from the Zombies, tends to be historically accurate.

      Son the First was into Warhammer and also really enjoyed the construction and painting part – played the game a few times, but not really that interested. It definitely wasn’t a cool thing to be into, but he had a couple of friends who enjoyed it too.

      P.S. I have a PhD in Pokemon too….!

  7. I’ve a good while to wait before my little lad can join in with all this…I can’t wait, proper boys stuff indeed.

  8. Penny Beaumont

    I must have nodded off again, What is hampster porn? I was always under the impression they were little furry animals.

    • wartimehousewife

      They are Penny, it just struck my twisted mind that pornography involving hamsters was a deviant and unlikely thing for a 14 year old.

  9. alltime fishwife

    Shome mistake shurely- a deviant and likely thing………………….etc. And of course I am enormously grateful, as it is preferable to cod.

  10. Stephen Barker

    How times have changed since H G Wells wrote ‘Little Wars’ (I think that’s the title) where conducted wargames with toy soldiers, no doubt made of lead by Brittains and devided them into the blue army and the red army. I never really got into wargaming as it involved to much phaffing around with tape measures, dice and complicated rules.

    • wartimehousewife

      The closest I ever got was dressing Sindy in fatigues and thowing her out of an upstairs window tied to a plastic bag ‘parachute’. But then I also stuck dressmakers’ needles in her ears to look as though they were pierced so I guess the former doesn’t count.

  11. alltime fishwife

    I did that too- the parachute bit obviously, I am not that weird. I am also pleased to learn how to spell “phaffing” as I have never known. It is a bit more phaff than “faffing” , but looks so much more phaffy.

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