Is it just me or are 3D films a complete bloody con? This afternoon I took The Boys and Yippee I.A. to the cinema to see the new ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ film. I checked out the times on the cinema’s website and we dutifully arrived at 1.45 for the 2.00pm showing. Boy the Elder and I are both on Orange mobile tariffs solely so that we can get free tickets for the cinema on Orange Wednesdays and it’s a bloody good thing we are.
When we went to buy our tickets, it turned out that three out of the six showings were 3D but this was advertised neither on the website nor on the showings board in the cinema. The next 2D showing wasn’t until 4.30 which was too late, so we had to go in. Luckily we have started keeping our 3D glasses in the car for just such an eventuality but I had to buy a pair for Yippee.
Two cinema tickets plus one pair of glasses came to £18.70. EIGHTEEN POUNDS SEVENTY FOR TWO TICKETS!!! I was furious and gave the cowering youth behind the counter a really bad time about it. We went in and sat through what seemed like four and a half hours of adverts, then the film began.
Before I go any further I want to make it clear that ‘Pirates of the Caribbean – On Stranger Tides’ is a humdinger of a film. It has everything you could possibly want in a film about pirates. It’s funny, full of thrilling fights, chases and action. It has Johnny Depp in a pirate outfit (I could stop here actually), Penelope Cruz looking equally gorgeous in a pirate outfit, Geoffrey Rush is an evil turncoat with a wooden leg and Ian McShane gives a cracking performance as Blackbeard. There are Mermaids with no vests on and a three-pronged race to find the Fountain of Youth. It’s wonderful, rollicking good fun.
But it gained absolutely nothing from being in 3D. Every so often I took my glasses off to see how it looked and, most of the time, the 3D effects were entirely superfluous. It changes the colour of the screen and makes everything look dingy and, some of the time, the depth of vision was actually quite distracting. I have seen three films now in 3D and I utterly resent having been charged extra money for a format that demonstrates no tangible benefit to the film.
3D feels like a cheap trick that ends up being very expensive indeed for the poor, beguiled cinema goer.
I wouldn’t give you 3d for it.